


Hiraeth

by Ameliwrites



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Aunt May is dead, Extremis Tony Stark, I'm ignoring Infinity wars and acting as if everything was fixed, Maybe - Freeform, Non-canon powers added, Not Beta Read, Not Team Cap Friendly at first, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony and Peter blame themselves for this, Tony deserves the world and more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-05-15 21:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14798657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameliwrites/pseuds/Ameliwrites
Summary: The last time Peter's Spidey Sense had gone off during school, there was a ship outside of his bus and he was being whisked off to space to fight Thanos.There was no bus this time, no ship.There was just his senses going into overdrive and a deep unsettling feeling at the bottom of his stomach.(Bare with me, the first chapter sucks because I tried to write it all on a spur of the moment decision with no planning)IW Spoilers





	1. Chapter 1

Peter should've known something was wrong after waking up right on time to get ready for school.  
He should've known something was up when Aunt May had come into the room with a sheepish grin on her face and a perfect golden plate of pancakes in her hands.  
He had eaten and dressed with time to spare, and when he had finally left their shared apartment, he wasn't in a rush.  
These should've been signs that something bad would happen.  
But, the thought never crossed Peter's mind as he had just thought that for once, he was having a wonderful day.

The fist time Peter's Spidey Sense had started acting up was in P.E.   
He had turned his head and caught a dodge ball directed at him via Flash (he tried to ignore all the stares his way), and had left it at that.  
The unsettling feeling didn't stop there though,it continued, making his head ache painfully and his eyes swim all the way throughout the day and into after school decathlon practice.

-

Michelle had fallen into the role of captain easily after Liz had left and handled practices with the air of professionalism. She pushed everyone on the team harder, and focused on their weaker topics more than ever after they had won the Academic Decathlon last year. And somehow along with all of that, the girl still managed to carry around a book the size of a dictionary and finish it by the end of the week. 

She sat on the far right of the table, a set of flash cards in front of her.   
"A quantum gravity system in a (d+1)-dimensional space-time that is equivalent to a many-body system defined on its d-dimensional boundary.....Parker"

Peter snapped into focus, unaware that he had lost it in the first place, and cringed. Everything seemed to be getting louder.  
He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his neck, squinting his eyes as he tried to decipher the words. Everything had become muddled all of a sudden.  
The lights were a bit too bright and Peter could hear the crunch of some student stepping on leaves outside.   
"...It's the -uh- String Theory and Holographic Duality-"   
The answer had come spilling out of Peter's mouth before he had even thought about it and he bit his lip.  
His own voice seemed loud in his ears. 

Michelle nodded and seemed content with the answer, "Correct." Her voice sounded as if it was blasted through the intercom yet was submerged in water at the same time. There was an edge of concern in the tone.

Peter took a shaky breath and rubbed his temples.   
The room shook and spun for a moment and he held back a groan.

"Hey dude, you okay?"  
A warm had was on his shoulder and Peter's head whipped to his right.  
Ned looked at him with worried eyes and Peter cringed.  
The hand on his shoulder suddenly felt like fire and Peter shook it off and pushed himself from the table. The table gave a groan under his weight and Peter tried to tune out the shocked sounds coming from the rest of the students around as they were pushed back with it. 

"I've gotta go," Peter rasped out before he stumbled from the library. He walked down the hall, placing his palms over his ears as sounds from all directions seemed to come from no where. He heard the crying of a child miles away, and the clicking of heels from a few halls down.   
The hairs on his arms were on end, and he was all of a sudden overtly on edge.   
Something was happening.

Peter stumbled into a nearby bathroom and rushed to one of the stalls.  
He shakily held up his watch and took a breath.

"Karen-"  
Mr. Stark had given him the watch for his birthday a few months back and installed Karen in as a bonus. Saying something along the lines of "something could happen to you without the suit" and "it'll be good if you have someone to talk to other than that Fred guy who you're always going on about."

"Yes Peter?"  
Karen seemed to understand what was going on and had lowered the speakers of the watch to a low whisper.   
It was still loud but it was bearable.

"C-Call Mr. Sta- Tony"  
Peter shut his eyes tight and didn't open them until he heard the familiar voice of the billionaire. 

"What do you need, Pete? Finally thinking about that college conversation we had earlier, they'd love to have you over at MI-"  
Tony sounded busy. The type of busy that happened when he hadn't slept in days and convinced himself that he had to stay up making constant upgrades on the Iron Spider suit. It had been this way since they had returned from Titan. After Peter had died in his arms (even if it was for just a few minutes.)

"T-ony."   
Peter's voice sounded foreign to his own ears and he faintly took note on how Tony stopped mid rant.   
The pain in his voice must of been obvious in his voice because he could hear a suit start to envelope Tony.

"Where are you, Kid? Are you in any danger?!"  
Tony's voice had went from calm to deadly serious in a matter of seconds. The worry leaking into his tone was obvious and Peter faintly heard the sound of Tony taking off. 

A sudden shift in feeling had him falling back against the wall and he shook his head.   
"Not- Not Me. Nothings," He held his head, "Nothing's wrong with me."

Tony seemed to pick up speed.  
Peter heard him order FRIDAY to put more power into the thrusters.  
"Kid, cut the bullshit. We talked about this. You tell me what's wrong and I help, just like we practiced." Tony's voice sounded a bit desperate and Peter wanted to scream.

"Not Me- Somewhere- no- Someone...else. Not me." Peter rasped the words out.  
Nothing was happening with him, but he felt like something terrible was occurring. Something terrible to someone or something he loved.   
It felt like space all over again. It felt like before he turned the dust, but he was right here, curled up in a ball in one of the bathroom stalls at his school.  
There was no Thanos, no space.  
Just him and his Spidey Sense trying to warn him of something he knew nothing about.

Tony seemed to say something but it came out as a jumbled mess before the line cut out. Peter pulled his knees to his chest and he felt a rock drop into his stomach. It felt as if he was missing something, missing a very important something.

Peter felt a sharp pain stab through his heart before everything turned off. His eyes slipped closed and his brain slowly shut down. Before he had completely passed out, he heard the sound of metal retracting and warm hands checking his pulse.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter opened his eyes to a broken down apartment. 

The walls had turned into a peeling yellow cover and the smell of forgotten food, old and molded beyond recognition, invaded his senses. He turned his head to the side, wincing as he noticed the pain pulsing against his temples, and noticed that he was lying on his side.

Slowly, he pushed himself up and onto his feet, taking notice in how his muscles were tense for no apparent reason. He took a stale breath and turned on his heel, trying to scope out the weird place before making any move. He didn’t recognize any of it at first, with all of the furniture being covered in white sheets and the few picture frames he saw being turned on their backs.

He wouldn’t of recognized any of it if it weren’t for the smallest lego piece shoved into the corner. It was a small piece of the Deathstar Ned and him had been working on, a piece that he had been looking for for weeks before Tony had somehow managed to pay for the singular piece they needed (How the workers had agreed to that, he’d never know). It was only today, Friday, that he had seen it just before leaving for school. 

It was an insignificant detail, but one that gave solid evidence as to where he was.

Peter looked around his and Aunt May’s apartment, his stomach fluttering with confusion and fear. 

“May?”

His voice echoed off of the walls weirdly and he took a step forward, trying to glance down the hall. 

‘Calm down, Parker, she’s probably working’ 

Peter knew that it was unlikely that that was the case.  
May had stopped working on Fridays recently after Tony had complained that she was to be a part of their movie nights that had become a frequent event between the three after Aunt May had found out about him being Spiderman. 

☓

 

_“What the Fuck?!”_

_Peter was surprised that he hadn’t gotten whiplash with how quickly he had turned around. His eyes widened comically when he saw Aunt May and he raised his hands. “This isn’t what it looks like!”_  
May’s face was red as the looked over the suit. She let out a humorless laugh, “Oh so it isn’t you dressed up in the suit surprisingly similar to the suit Spiderman wears,” Peter winced and opened his mouth to explain but May raised a hand.  
“Cut the bullshit, Peter, I’m not an idiot. I can put two and two together.” Her shoulders sagged, “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

_Peter’s lips pulled into a frown and he noticed the small things about Aunt May, the wrinkles that he hadn’t noticed had appeared, the lines around her mouth as she held her lips in an unreadable straight line. He shifted his weight on both feet and deflated a little, “I-” He swallowed the lump that appeared in his throat suddenly, “I just didn’t want to worry you, May. I never wanted to worry you. Not after…” He trailed off, both of them knowing what event they were talking about._

_Aunt May released a tired sigh, a flicker of pain flashing through her eyes, “Peter,” She started as she walked forward and pulled him into a hug. Peter’s head fell on her shoulder as she continued, “I worry when I don’t know where you are at night. I worry when you show up with these unexplained wounds that you try to hide. Cut me some slack.”_

_Peter nodded soundlessly and that was that. She hadn’t tried to stop him from being Spiderman after they had sat down and talked everything out. She hadn’t tried to stop him after he had explained why this meant so much to him._

_It was only after he had let it slip that Tony had let him go to Germany that the anger returned._

_May caught along fast and realized that the “internship retreat” and Peter’s trip to Germany didn’t really line up and when she did she had pushed herself from the couch they had moved to and forced him into the car (At least Peter had changed into some casual clothes) before speeding upstate. Peter was surprised that they hadn’t gotten stopped on the way there._

_Upon arriving, May had shuffled him out of the car, and had practically stomped past the doors._

_“Tony!”_

_May’s loud voice bounced off of the walls and Tony still had yet to make an appearance._

_Eventually, someone did come down the stairs that were to the right of the doors.  
It wasn’t Tony._

_For an Android, Vision looked surprisingly distraught, and from the sight, Peter’s stomach dropped. May took a slight step back at the sight of him before squaring her shoulders, “Where is Tony?”  
Vision looked from Aunt May to Peter, his gaze lingering on the latter, before recognition came to his eyes. His response made Peter’s blood run cold. “He’s been in surgery for the past six hours.” _

_May looks as if she’s been slapped in the face, “What? Why?”_

_May might of been mad at Tony, but the three had at least become somewhat close over the few weeks of Peter “interning” at Stark Industries. It was surprising that May hadn’t thought something else was happening with how invested Tony had been with the two._

_Vision seemed to think they were trustworthy because he had left for a split second only to return with a solemn expression and a small flash drive in his hand before asking for them to leave._

_The pair had done so and had plugged the drive into one of Peter’s laptops once they had gotten back. It had taken only a moment for the two to notice that the video was a feed from Tony’s suits. From when he had left for Siberia._

_May had forgotten about being mad at Tony halfway through the video and by the end, both of them were wiping away tears._

_After Tony had been release, the two were at his side and after Tony had figured out that May knew Peter’s secret and wasn’t going to bite his head off for it, the three had grown inseparable._

☓

“Peter.”

Peter nearly jumped onto the ceiling when he heard the new voice. He turned on his heel when he finally recognized the voice and his heart dropped to his stomach when he saw her. He grunted.

Aunt May was as pale as a sheet of paper, with her hair soaked with sweat and sticking to her bloodied forehead. She had a thin line of blood running from her nose to her chin and her eyes looked lifeless. The image chilled Peter to the bone and he let out a choked whimper. He opened his mouth to say something, to shout, to do something, but nothing would come out. 

“Why didn’t you save me, Peter. Why did you just let me die like you did with Ben.” Suddenly, the scene shifted and the two weren’t in the apartment anymore, instead they were in a dark alleyway with a gun aimed at the two and a man screaming at them for money. Dread covered Peter’s face and at this moment he wanted to curl up in a ball. 

The scene played out just as he remembered it and Peter couldn’t move. He attempted to run in front of May as the man put weight on the trigger. A soundless scream left Peter’s lips and he tried to push May out of the way. His hands phased right through her and Peter’s would shattered as the bullet ripped through May’s head. 

A sharp ringing assaulted his ears and the headache that he had forgotten about came back full force.

Everything went black.

 

☓

 

When Peter opened his eyes for the second time, he was staring at the familiar sight of the ceiling of his room at the compound. Confusion riddled his gaze and he slowly pushed himself up. The remnants of his dream stuck to him like glue and he shut his eyes tightly for a moment, trying to get rid of the image of his Aunt with a bullet through her head.

He instead tried to focus on the last thing he could remember which only succeeded him in bashing himself for how stupid he had been. Calling Tony from a bathroom stall while his senses went into overdrive was now his worst moment. A flush crept up his neck and reached his ears as he thought of how uncool he must of looked and how he probably interrupted Tony’s day (Even if Tony had said a thousand times that nothing was more important than talking to each other when shit happened). 

“I’m detecting an increased heart rate and heavy breathing, Peter. Should I alert the boss that you are in the starting phases of a panic attack?” The sound of the irish voice seemed to relax his muscles and he slowly shook his head. He shifted his head to glance at where he knew one of the cameras were.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y…can you turn up the lights?” 

In response to his question, the lights in his room brightened and Peter relaxed a bit. The lights had been too dim in his dream, or rather nightmare, and he was no longer comfortable with the lights being the same.

A few yards away from his bed, the door slid open and Peter jumped up slightly. He looked at the door, ready to leap from the bed, just as Tony poked his head in.

“Friday alerted me that you were up, Kid.”

Peter noticed how tired Tony sounded before he noticed how he looked. He frowned as Tony stepped into the room and Peter took notice in how he seemed to fold in on himself, trying to make himself smaller.

“Are you okay?” Peter had asked as Tony eased himself onto the edge of his bed. Tony ran a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I should be asking you that.”

 

A heavy silence stretched out between the two and Tony opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds. He let out a humorless laugh and ran his eyes over Peter’s form, “First and foremost, are you okay, no injuries that I missed?” 

When Peter shook his head, a small weight seemed to lift off of Tony’s shoulders. It didn’t do anything about the haunted look that he looked like he was trying to hide though.

Suddenly, Peter’s dream seemed to come back to him and he shot up. “Where’s Aunt May? Does she know that I left school? Does she know that I’m with you? Shit- She’s going to kill me for not texting her before all of this. I don’t even think I told her about Decathlon practice today-”

Tony interrupted his rambling by grabbing his arm in an iron grip. Peter cut himself off and realization donned his features.

“Oh my god, Tony, I didn’t even realize that the curse word slipped out-”

Tony looked as if he had swallowed a lemon that had been dipped in the blood of children, “Peter-” He cut himself off and took a breath, “I’m _so_ sorry.”

Peter was completely lost, “Am I missing something..?”

Tony’s eyes shined with unshed tears and he shook his head, “Aunt May...She- I couldn’t- I didn’t make it in time to save her.” 

Tony stumbled over his words as if he were saying three completely different sentences with the same endgame. Peter’s dream flashed through his head and he felt sick, “...what?” The word came out whispered, it was a surprise that Tony had even heard him.

“Aunt May was killed Friday in a hit and run at 3:23 in the afternoon .” 

And that was that.

There were no aliens raining from the sky, no weird portals or circular spaceships creeping above. There was no bizarre force to blame for this accident. Just something that happened in everyday life.  
Something that Peter had sworn to prevent after Uncle Ben. 

Tears clouded Peter’s vision in a matter of seconds and he looked at Tony. He looked just as bad, with his posture rigid and his eyes looking as if he was blaming everything on himself.

_“You could’ve gotten to her, You should’ve listened to the kid when he said he was fine. You could have saved her.Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”_  
Peter heard Tony repeat the words under his breath like a mantra and he started to see that this was real. 

The dam finally broke and he shot himself forward, wrapping his hands around Tony’s middle as a sob shook his body. 

Aunt May was dead. 

It wasn’t like Thanos where things could just be reversed through work.  
This was final and there was nothing Peter or Tony could do about it no matter how much they wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is a thousand times better than the first chapter as that was a bit rushed.  
> So I just got into the whole head canon of May not dying and instead just being Tony's friend but that was after I had posted the first chapter so she'll still be dying, but she'd have been Tony's friend before dying I guess.
> 
> Anyways, I don't really have a specific date for when I'll update this story. I'm guessing around once a week, but that could change depending on how this story develops. 
> 
> Feel free to comment if I've made a mistake or if you have a comment!


	3. Chapter 3

(Tony’s Pov)

When Tony had first gotten the call from Peter, he had been in the middle of an argument with an Accords representative.  
“Dr. Stark, The Accords are in place to protect the citizens of the world as I’m sure you know. Captain Rogers decided that the opinions of those he _claimed_ to protect didn’t matter, and that places him no higher than the terrorist we strive to lock up. He should be in a prison, not roaming around the world leisurely.”

Tony had shoved his hands in his pockets with a sniff and had fought the urge to roll his eyes, even under the dark aviator shades he had on. 

He gave a nod and turned on his heel, positioning his body as if he were actually in the same room as the woman, “I get that, really _I do_ , but what happens when someone like Thanos comes to town. Rogers and his posse had been a detrimental part of the equation that helped in our victory. Now that the threat is gone, it is in our best interest that we open our arms to them.” 

He pushed down the sudden tightness in his chest that came from speaking of Thanos and the Rouge Avengers and continued, “When Thanos showed up we were scattered all over the place and the _people_ suffered from that. We can’t risk someone coming to challenge earth while half of our defense squad is rotting in a prison.” He spat out the last word with a shake of his head. 

The representative had opened their mouth to retort when F.R.I.D.A.Y had spoken up, “Boss, Karen is attempting to contact your main communication line, would you like me to accept?”

Tony held back a smile at the escape and held up a hand, “Look, let’s end this quickly. The Rouge Avengers need to be here and I am prepared to do anything it takes to make sure that while they are welcome, they will _not_ be offered the opportunity to screw us over like they did the first time. The original Accords have been amended to everyone’s likes and I will personally make sure their signatures go down on paper.”

Tony waved his hand and the hologram of the woman scattered just as she started to protest.

Tony turned his attention to F.R.I.D.A.Y.

“Alright baby girl, patch her through.” As soon as the call had started, Tony had allowed a small grin to take over his features. He pulled off his shades and tossed them on the table, revealing bloodshot eyes that only came from hours upon hours of no sleep.  
“What do you need Pete,” Tony pulled up one of the blueprints for Peter’s Iron Spider suit and began working, “Finally thinking about that college conversation we had earlier? They'd love to have you over at M.I-"

“T-Tony-”

On any other day, Tony would’ve been annoyed at being cut off, but the raw pain and confusion that had been present in Peter’s voice made him freeze.

Flashbacks to that day on Titan made his chest seize up and he forced a deep breath in his lungs. He closed his eyes tight and he felt the armor start to envelope him.

“Where are you kid? Are you in any danger?!”  
Tony didn’t focus on the obvious panic in his voice. Instead, he focused on ignoring Peter’s protests that he was okay and used the watch he had given him to pull up his location. 

A hatch had opened up for him and he sped out, his lips dipping into a frown as he heard Peter continue to say that “nothing was wrong with him.”

“Kid, cut the bullshit. We talked about this. You tell me what's wrong and I help, just like we practiced.” 

Tony wanted to scream. He couldn’t have Peter hurt, not after the events of Titan. Not after him and May had vowed to keep him safe. 

The thought of having to tell May that Peter had been harmed again made Tony’s stomach twist up and he ordered F.R.I.D.A.Y to put more power into the suit. 

Tony cut the line.

Everything after that happened in a blur. He had gotten to the school, ready to fight some type of villain, only to find a hall full of wide eyed teens that just had to decide to stay after school on this particular day. 

They hadn’t mattered however, and Tony had continued down the hall until he had found Peter in a bathroom stall of all places. 

The suit came undone and Tony rushed to Peter’s side to check his pulse. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, full body scan. Report on even the smallest thing.” Not a second later, Tony was filtering through information, his eyes flashing with Extremis.

Everything seemed to be fine on Peter’s end, other than brain activity being skyrocketed due to sensory overload. Tony’s brows furrowed and he recalled Peter’s continued pleas that someone else was in danger. He shook his head at the thought and stepped back into the suit before picking Peter up and getting out of there. He chose not to focus on the children who had their cell phones out to video everything. He’d handle that when the time came. 

He made his way to the Compound quickly, having F.R.I.D.A.Y scan Peter one last time before moving him to his room. He wanted to be sure that he hadn’t missed any injuries.

Finally, after checking for probably the seventh time on Peter, he allowed himself to relax. He combed a hand through his hair and let out a heavy sigh. He headed down the hall to the communal area and promptly fell onto the couch.  
Just as he did so, a shrill ringing sound came to his ear and he winced. He rubbed his temples and attempted to ignore the call. 

A few seconds later it seemed to end, only to start up once more when he had just started to relax. A groan made his way out of his throat and he begrudgingly answered, “Tony Stark.” 

A sound of surprise came from the other line, followed by an unruly amount of shuffling, “Is this Tony Stark?” 

 

Tony took a large breath. Had he not _just_ said that? 

“It is.”

Another sound of surprise sounded, as if they hadn’t believed him the first time he said it, “This is Queens General Hospital calling about a May Parker, can you confirm that you know this individual?” 

Tony felt his stomach drop and his mouth go dry. The day seemed to only get worse. 

Tony forced his heart to stop pounding so quickly and he took a breath. For all he knew, this could just be one of May’s coworkers saying that she’d be working later than usual. 

Tony didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I know her, why is that of any importance?” Tony forced back any emotion from his voice, instead going for the usual curious nonchalance he uses during interviews and such. 

The voice on the other line hesitated for a second at the sound before she continued. You could hear the sound of shuffling papers on the other end, “May Parker has been announced dead at 3:23 Friday afternoon. She died on sight due to a bullet wound during a hit and run, I’m sorry for your loss.”

She didn’t sound sorry.

Tony felt the edges of his composure fray a bit. He felt the familiar sense of tightness reach his chest and he attempted to take a large breath. The voice on the other line was still talking, saying things about her death and how they tried everything they could. 

Tony hung up the phone.

His hands began shaking and he struggled to breathe. Blackness began to crawl toward the edges of his vision and clenched his hands into a fist. His eyes were flashing brightly, Extremis attempting to fix whatever was causing his body distress, only to be denied as there was no physical wounds.

He would’ve killed to have Rhodey or Pepper or any of the new Avengers for that matter, but Rhodey and Pepper had stepped out to do business for the senate and company respectively, and the others had their other things to worry about. That left Tony to fight off the panic attack by himself.

He vaguely felt his eyes sting with tears as the weight of the women's words really reached him. 

May was dead.

-

The process of telling Peter when he had woken up had been the single most hardest thing he had ever done. He knew the pain of losing your family.

He had watched as Peter’s eyes had darkened with a look of understanding and Tony felt the familiar wave of failure wash over him.

First he had failed Peter on Titan and now Aunt May. 

All he could offer was his comfort. He doubted that was worth anything.

-

(Peter’s Pov)

Peter watched as life went on through his room window at the compound, watched as the birds flew through the sky happily as if the death of Aunt May didn’t bother them, as if she had never existed. It had been a day since May’s death.

It wasn’t fair. 

It was particularly bright outside, no clouds in sight as the sun shone happily. It was the exact opposite of how Peter felt and he desperately wanted the past 24 hours to have never happened. He wanted to go back to yesterday morning when May had surprised him with perfectly made pancakes. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was supposed to be.

After the news, Tony and him had just sat in each other's presence for a second to just let everything settle. 

Peter felt as if he had cried out every tear he had to offer in that moment and he doubted Tony was that far behind. The man had stayed with him even when his own tears had started to fall. He had stayed even as he started to babble on about how he could’ve saved her. He stayed despite his hate for showing his emotions around others and Peter was silently grateful. 

After what felt like hours, Peter had felt his eyes start to droop and he flinched slightly as he felt Tony’s fingers card through his hair before relaxing. He mumbled something similar to a thank you before he let himself fall asleep.

That was a mistake.

-

_Peter’s eyes had snapped open to a familiar setting and his stomach churned. His eyes stung and he felt his throat go tight._

_The apartment was mostly in the same state as it had been when Peter first saw it, with the yellow walls peeling and the smell of mold and rotten food in the air. The place was abandoned and Peter felt a whimper come from his throat._

_It was starting to dawn on him that that’s exactly what the apartment was right now. Abandoned._

_“You knew I was going to die, Peter.”_

_A dark foreboding sense overtook Peter and he whipped around, his face pale and his pupils blown wide._

_Aunt May was sitting in one of the love seats, her hair still wet and clumped together with blood. Her eyes were the same lifeless brown hues that made Peter’s skin crawl and her skin was taking on a sick tinge._

_There was no way that this could be real, but the guilt still ate at his insides._

_Peter flinched at her words and shook his head, “I- I didn’t know Aunt May.”_

_A sneer curled her blue lips into a sneer, “You did know, Peter. The ringing in your head, the constant state of being on edge? You knew something was going to happen Friday. You knew someone you loved was in danger and what did you do? You crawled to a_ bathroom stall _and started crying. You’re the reason I’m dead, Peter.”_

_May pushed herself from her seat and wobbled dangerously. Peter took notice in how the side of her shirt was soaked in new blood. She made her way over to him and Peter seemed to be frozen._

_His spider sense was making his temples pulse and his muscles tense up._

_May placed a hand on his arm and Peter shivered, “That pulse that you feel in your head, that was the warning. You knew that I was going to die, and you did nothing about it._

_Peter tried to protest but everything came out in strangled gasps. He shook his head and he saw May grin. Her grip on his arm tightened and Peter flinched._

_“Now you’re all alone, Peter. You have no family left.”_

_Peter shut his eyes tightly, trying to push her words away. He tried to ignore the part of him that agreed with every word she said._

__-_ _

When Peter opened his eyes again, he had been in his room at the compound. His forehead had been soaked with sweat and he could see Tony asleep in a chair he must of brought in when Peter had first closed his eyes. 

__

__May’s words were like a ghost whisper, sticking to the corners of his mind and reminding him of his failure. He had moved closer to his window and simply rested his head on the glass._ _

__He ignored the stinging of his eyes and he continued to look as the world moved on._ _

__“Peter, I believe you should wake the boss up-”  
Peter flinched at F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice before he pushed himself up. His eyebrows furrowed and he turned his head toward Tony. Nothing seemed to be the matter._ _

__“What’s up F.R.I.D.A.Y?”_ _

__Peter’s lips fell into a deeper frown when F.R.I.D.A.Y didn’t respond. Peter felt a sharp pain in his head before the lights cut out. He was rushing to Tony’s side, ready to shake him awake, when his eyes shot open. His eyes were glowing and had this uncharacteristic anger in them._ _

__Tony looked around before his eyes landed on Peter. He frowned, looking conflicted before he cursed._ _

__“There are people in the building. Suit up.”_ _

__Peter didn’t question him and did just that._ _

__Tony sounded as if he knew exactly who was in here, and wanted nothing to do with them._ _

__Confusion bled into Peter’s eyes and he frowned. He heard Tony’s breath hitch in what Peter believed was fear before he was in a suit of Iron._ _

__Peter felt a surge of protectiveness shoot up his spine at the sound before he shook away the feeling and pulled his mask over his head._ _

__He wasn’t planning on losing anymore people he cared about._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned out this entire chapter before I wrote it, this was supposed to be a chill chapter but then I got to the end and things escalated for some reason.
> 
> Anyways, so I added some tags I felt were needed such as PTSD and Anxiety attacks.
> 
> Feel free to comment. I love comments!


	4. Check this out!

So this isn't a real chapter, but I should have one of those coming today or tomorrow depending on how things work out.

This is just to announce that I started a new fic that doesn't have Aunt May die but has more struggling! You should take a look if you're into that!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14893277/chapters/34492601


	5. Chapter 4

Peter felt like he was in a movie where he was the main character that everyone hated.  
He was tired and distraught, and on the end of his rope after his constant nightmares.  
And instead of getting a break to deal with his grief , he got a warning that someone was in the Penthouse.

Peter would’ve cursed his luck if he hadn’t been so tired. He settled for simply following behind Tony, his hand twitching at his side and his fingers rubbing together to feel the fabric of the suit. 

It was a new quirk he had gotten instantly after Thanos. He had to reassure himself that he wasn’t in the Iron Spider suit, that he wasn’t about to turn into dust at any moment.

Peter occupied himself by listening to the world around him. 

He listened to the sound of his and Tony’s steps and when he heard the shuffling of a third party he tensed up.

A sharp feeling ran up his spine and he took a sharp breath. He wasn’t going to ignore when he felt that anymore. Not after the first time.

“Tony,” He hissed and Tony raised a hand in acknowledgment, pointing one finger to the left.

Peter nodded, though he doubted Tony could see him, and he moved to the opposite wall.

He edged towards the corner and he unconsciously fingered his web shooters for the reminder that he wasn’t helpless. That he could protect Tony or do his very best at least.

_‘Your very best isn’t enough though.’_ Peter shook the thought away in order to focus on his current task.

A shadow crossed over his vision and he startled, pointing his hand towards it and shooting. A string of web flew from the web shooters and he could’ve sworn he heard a grunted curse that wasn’t Tony’s.

The pair jumped out from the hallway, weapons raised and ready to take on anything. Tony seemed to have gone the extra mile, and had the missiles both of them had worked on before May coming from his shoulders. The weapons that they had made sure would be enough firepower and vibranium to make Cap’s shield dent.

Both of them flinched when suddenly the lights flickered on. F.R.I.D.A.Y. was saying something similar to her last statement, that someone was in the tower, but when Tony and him looked around no one was there.

Neither was the web he shot.

There was, however, a small black flash card thrown haphazardly on the floor. 

Peter pulled his mask off and his he caught the silver words on it before F.R.I.D.A.Y. could even read them.

_‘Everything staged._  
_Death no accident.’_  
_P.M_

That was all the card said and when he glanced back at Tony, who’s helmet had retracted, he saw him frowning. 

“What the fuck.”

Peter couldn’t relate to anything more at that moment.

-

An hour later and Tony and Peter had forgone the suits and locked down the tower. They had fallen onto the couch with hot chocolate and after the first sip, Peter realized how tired he was. He ached to his bones despite having not done anything physically gruelling and he could feel the bags of his eyes forming.

One question hung in the air, though.

Who the hell was P.M?

“Fri, run a scan for fingerprints or any DNA on the card. Let me know if you find a match.”

And if Peter thought he was bad, then Tony was ten times worse.

His voice was thick and his eyes were bloodshot.

He looked as if any moment he’d pass out, but he kept refusing to sleep until they figured this out.

For both of their sake.

_‘For your safety’_ went unsaid. 

When the scan came back negative he saw Tony pinch the bridge of his nose and press the pads of his fingers to his eyelids.

“We should leave it alone, maybe get some rest and come back with refreshed minds.” Peter offered the idea quietly as he nursed his empty cup.

Tony’s eyes flickered up from his tablet where he was looking through the security footage of the tower before the outage. His nose scrunched up and he looked back at the tablet, “There’s too much to do” was his mumbled answer.

Peter frowned.

“Exactly. There’s too much to do at once and we’ve already locked down the tower, no one can get in so we should get even a bit of rest.”

It was the wrong thing to say apparently.

Tony’s hands tightened around the tablet and he scowled down at the screen. It was apparent that Tony was only getting frustrated. His eyes were alight with Extremis and Peter saw the screen turn black.

“Someone got in tonight Peter, lock down or not, this is supposed to be one of the hardest places to get in and someone did so without any trouble.”

His tone was clipped and Peter frowned. He stood his ground though.

“And if they get in again, we can’t fight if we’re dead on our feet.”

“We can’t fight them at all if we don’t know who it is in the first place. Getting our beauty sleep isn’t going to fix that problem.”

Peter shook his head, “Tony you’re going to kill yourself like this.”

Tony slammed the tablet down hard enough for it to crack.

He turned his head to look at Peter and his face was red with anger. “I’m doing this to _protect you_ Peter. A little thanks would be nice.”

“Thanks? You bending over backwards and hurting yourself isn’t doing _anything_ for me! You’re hurting us both.You’re going to kill yourself and leave me alone like May did. How is that protection?!”

“It’s my fault they got in in the first place so I have to fix it before I give myself time to sit back and act like shit didn’t happen! What about that do you not understand. I promised May that I would keep _you_ safe and I’ve already broken that promise once.”

“This isn’t Thanos, Tony. There are no space ships in the sky and no one is turning to dust!”

Peter felt his chest tighten and his eyes clouded up slightly at the reminder. He tried to keep gis voice calm. He didn't want to start a fight.

Peter knew that he had hit below the belt when Tony growled,“This isn’t about Thanos, Kid! This is about now, and right now it’s my job to protect you. That was May’s dying wish. In fact her whole life was dedicated to taking care of and protecting you! She gave up her life to take you in and she worked so damn hard to make sure you were kept out of harm's way and now that I’m doing the same you complain. Why don’t you be fucking grateful for once and let me finish this!”

Peter screamed, his voice cracking, “Don’t use her name against me! You’re supposed to be there _for_ me, not trying to leave me on my own! That's what she would've wanted. Trying to protect me from everything was May’s one fault and you’re following her footsteps! You’re all so fucking ready to ‘protect’ me, so ready to die and leave me alone that you don’t stop to consider how I feel. It’s not protection if I end up alone every time. First it was my parents, then Ben and May, and now you’re trying to kill yourself while telling yourself that it’s for _my_ own good. It helps no one but YOURSELF” 

Peter didn’t notice the tears sliding down his cheeks or the fact that he couldn’t breath until after he finished yelling.

He felt the blood rush to his face and he realized he had stood up at some point. The room was swaying and he was gasping, trying to force air into his lungs. He was hiccuping and he was pretty sure snot was leaking from his nose.

“...atch your breathing with me, Pete. C’mon breathe with me, just like that.”

Peter had closed his eyes at some point and when he opened them he found that he was sitting down on the couch and Tony had his arms wrapped around him.  
Peter released a shaky breath and he realized that his chest hurt.

Tony was still talking when Peter finally had enough courage to look up at him. His eyes were slightly damp and he had nothing but guilt twisting his expression. Peter felt a bitter emotion swirl in his stomach.

“‘M sorry, Tony. I overreacted.”

Tony shook his head, “Don’t,” His voice was thick, “Don’t apologize for this. It’s not your fault.”

//There’s a weird shift in POV here that didn’t really seem long enough to title so I’ll just acknowledge here//

A moment passed before Tony let out a short sigh, “A few hours to wind down wouldn’t hurt and I’m sure you’re tired.” He coaxed Peter to stand up and he made his way down the hall. He ducked into Peter’s room and when he tried to leave after tucking him in he heard a whimper. Peter grabbed his sleeve and Tony flinched back.

“Please don’t leave. I can’t handle someone leaving again.”

Tony frowned and moved to sit on the bed, leaning against the headboard.  
Hesitantly, he began to card his fingers through his hair, smiling slightly when he felt the kid relax. His mother had used to do the same to him on the nights that Howard got particularly unruly and it always calmed him down enough to sleep.

The relaxation only lasted for an hour at best and Tony had nearly allowed himself to shut his eyes before Peter’s whole body tensed. He began thrashing around, whimpers and shouts leaving his mouth as tears began to slip between his lashes. 

Tony’s eyes snapped open and he felt his heart constrict as he began shaking the kid. That only seemed to make things worse and Peter lashed out and pushed Tony from the bed (If Tony hadn’t had Extremis he probably would’ve been pushed back to the wall with enough force to knock him out).

Peter opened his mouth as if he were about to shout before his eyes opened wide and he looked at Tony, his face pale and his hands shaking, “There’s about to be another outage.”

And just like that, as if on cue, F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke up.

“I’m detecting a heat sign-”

The audio cut out abruptly and following that were the lights. Peter heard Tony curse and move to get up but a moment later, the power was starting up once more and there was yet another flash card on the floor. 

Peter let out a strangled noise and Tony’s head whipped up from the card to the terrified eyes of the teen.

“Peter, how did you know that was going to happen?”

Peter made the sound again and he was rubbing his fingers together, eyes wide and still trained on the black card. He looked as if he didn't want to believe it.

It sounded as if the ocean was roaring in his ears and his heart wouldn’t slow down. 

“Peter,” Tony said slowly and that seemed to snap him out of his thoughts.

He took a large breath and finally forced his attention off of the card, back to Tony.

When he finally brought himself to respond it was low enough for Tony to almost miss,

“....May told me.” He had said.  
And with those few words Peter spilled about the nightmares and seeing Aunt May constantly. Eventually he made it to the topic of the newest one.

-

_Peter was back again. Back in the rotting apartment and back with the stabbing guilt that only seemed to amplify when he went to sleep in his room and opened his eyes here._

_Aunt May was here too, but she wasn’t saying anything._

_She was just sitting on the couch. Her mouth was moving and no sound would come out. Her eyes were glazed and staring at the same black speck of mold on the wall the last time he was here._

_Peter had decided to ignore her and try to wake up._

_He tried slapping and pinching himself. He was even about to stab his hand with a fork until he opened the drawer in the kitchen and found a nest of maggots._

_He left it behind._

_Peter ducked down the hallway and attempted to walk into his room. Just to see what else was warped._

_That didn’t work out quite like he thought it would as the moment he opened his bedroom door, he was magically back in the kitchen._

_It made Peter want to scream._

_On the fourth try in a row he heard movement._

_His muscles tensed and he turned around to see May leaning against the wall. She had her mouth pulled into a tight smile, her lips thin and pink and looking as if they were just one large pink gash._

_Her eyes weren't dull, and for once she looked as if she were alive._

_Peter would've been relieved to have her look that way if he hadn't gotten used to her looking dead._

_The thought made his stomach churn uncomfortably._

_“Peter?”_

_Peter’s head snapped up when he heard May’s voice and he cringed. It sounded as if she hadn't spoken in weeks, like she had swallowed sand._

_“Peter,” She spoke again and he winced._

_A grin twitched at her lips and she stepped closer until she was pressed against him, arms around his torso and head buried into his neck. Peter’s nose scrunched up. She smelled as if she were rotting._

_A sharp pain stabbed through his side and he attempted to pull away._

_Peter gasped just as May began laughing, clinging to him as if he'd run if given the chance._

_The pain continued and Peter struggled._

_“Peter,” May said for the third time._

_Peter shut his eyes tightly and he felt his stomach drop. He didn’t want to hear his name from her mouth. Not in this context._

_May didn’t seem to care about his discomfort and continued on.  
“I want you to remember Peter, people are fickle things, always changing, always growing another face at the loss of others, always growing another head when they lose it.” _

_She was finally pulled away and looked at him. Her cheeks were blotchy and red as if she had been crying and she was shaking her head. It reminded him of the time she told him Uncle Ben wasn’t coming back._

_“They aren’t who you think they are, they don’t protect, they kill. They killed me, and you’ll be next.”_

_Something sounded so familiar about May’s words. Like there was something Peter was missing. He opened his mouth to ask who they were only to have May place a hand over his. She met his eyes with a frown dropping her features._

_“Peter...look out for those black cards, one will appear soon, and if you don’t look you won't see them coming.”_

_When Peter had opened his eyes again, it was to the ceiling in his room._

-

Tony looked as if someone had just told him that gravity didn't exist and brought the facts to prove it all. It was as if he logically knew that what Peter was saying was crazy, but had to consider it because everything lined up and the world was crazy these days.

“So _May_ ," He started and cleared his throat, "told you to look out for black cards and the second you woke up there happened to be an attack.”

When Peter nodded, Tony groaned and rubbed at his temples.

“This is crazy,” Peter heard him mutter underneath his breath.  
Tony had the card in his hands and was fiddling with the corner. The letters flashed in the lights every now and then and Peter frowned. 

On the card was a simple silver print with the words:

_Hail Hydra  
P.M_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to have this chapter be longer to compensate for me dropping off the face of the earth  
> But I decided to split them in two and update the next chapter faster than usual since I wanted to end the chapter just at that  
> Any ways there's a few hints as to who PS is  
> I think they're obvious so I think you'll be able to guess


	6. Chapter 5

Peter and Tony were on edge for the entirety of two days, waiting for another card to appear. It wasn’t until the afternoon of the third day, Wednesday, that they allowed themselves to stop looking for a black card at every turn.

Once Tony had shaken most of the fuss over the cards away he busied himself with fixing any bugs in F.R.I.D.A.Y’s system and making sure she couldn’t be hacked once more. At some point during that time, he had managed to snap out of the work binge long enough to call Peter’s school and alert them of the family death. He had worked out any problems and had told them that Peter would need time away to digest all of it. 

He silently thanked that one day months ago, when he had convinced May to add him as a guardian for Peter in case of something going awry. While he wished that he didn’t have to call in the first place, he was happy that they had at least planned this ahead. He wouldn’t have to worry about any questions for now.

Tony had asked the school to just send Peter’s materials and work over through his email (though he doubted it would really get done) and they’d go from there. He had returned back to his work shortly after he had hung up.

-

Peter was following Tony’s train of thought, as he too had busied himself with work. He had both cards in front of him, the silver of the letters flashing against the light. His lips were pulled into a frown and he tapped his fingers against the desk quickly. 

His eyes were wide and bloodshot, as he had held off sleep since the last card had arrived, which was nearly two days ago if he wasn’t mistaken. A yawn threatened to crawl from his throat and he shook it away. He couldn’t afford to be tired, he couldn’t afford to miss another intrusion.

“Peter, if I may interrupt, Miss Potts is currently on her way up.”

At that, Peter startled and looked over to the nearest camera, “Does Tony know?”

F.R.I.D.A.Y made a sound that could only barely pass for a sigh at Peter’s question, “I alerted the boss, though I don’t think he heard me.”

Peter’s brows furrowed and he pushed himself up. 

If Tony wasn’t going to be there to greet Pepper then he would. 

He made it to the communal area just in time to see the elevator doors slide open, and Pepper Potts glide into the room.

She had her hair tied back neatly, and her clothes were perfectly pressed, though there was a frazzled edge surrounding her. Worry clouded her eyes and she looked around and she let out a huff when she caught sight of Peter. She moved forward and before Peter could blink, she had her arms around him.

“I’m so sorry, Peter.”

For a second Peter had no idea what she meant. A brief look of confusion flickered through his eyes before a weight dropped in his stomach.

_Aunt May_

The cards paired with his lack of sleep had nearly made him forget. His heart twisted and for a moment he wanted to push Pepper away and act like none of this is real. That May was still here, and that he hadn’t forgotten her death for even the smallest moment when she had been there nearly his whole life.

He wanted to assure her that it was nobody’s fault, that she didn’t have to apologize for something that couldn’t have been foreseen but instead what came from his mouth was, “I should be saying sorry. I couldn’t get to her in time. I couldn’t save her.”

Pepper pulled away like she had been burned and a frown marred her features. She took in his expression of self loathing and shook her head firmly. 

“Peter,” Her voice was strong, though warm and comforting, “This is not your fault. You didn’t know this would happen.”

Peter thought of the migrain he had had that day and pressed his lips together. He forced himself to nod, though he didn’t believe a word Pepper was saying.

Pepper didn’t look convinced, though she didn’t press it. She had dealt with Peter enough at his worst moments to know that pushing a subject would only alienate him further instead of fix anything. She changed the subject, “When’s the last time you slept?”

Peter’s small shrug was an answer in itself.

Pepper shook her head and went for another approach, “Where’s Tony?”

As if on cue, Tony chose that exact moment to stumble out of the hallway , looking even worse than Peter did in terms of tiredness. He had a half full mug of coffee in his hands and he squinted as if he were hallucinating when he saw that Peter wasn’t alone. 

“Pepper?” He ran a hand over his eyes and looked again as if he thought that she’d disappear, “When did you get her or better yet why are you here?”

Pepper didn’t seem amused by the line of questioning. Her eyebrows furrowed and she placed her hands on her hips, “Firstly, I told F.R.I.D.A.Y to alert you that I was on my way so you had a warning, and secondly, where do you think I would be if you were denying not only my calls, but Rhodey’s and the Avenger’s too.”

Tony waved a hand, “Things came up.”

Pepper nodded, “I can understand that,” She shot a look Peter’s way and Peter pretented that he didn’t notice it, “but don’t shut yourself out, tell everyone that you’re busy so I don’t have the whole team knocking on my office door wondering why you suddenly left the Tower and haven’t returned.”

Pepper made it sound as if she were annoyed, but the worry that bled into her tone was obvious. Peter frowned and he moved his gaze to the floor. 

Tony huffed before nodding, “Got it. I’ll make a note of that for the future, F.R.I.D.A.Y make a note for that for the future.” He began shuffling towards the kitchen and Peter saw Pepper pinch the bridge of her nose in a mixture of both worry and annoyance.

Peter decided that it was time for him to speak up.

“Someone broke into the compound two days ago.” Peter didn’t have the full reason of why he was telling Pepper this, but he urged himself to continue, “He’s hasn’t been sleeping since then. He doesn’t want to miss anything so he won’t take even the smallest break. That’s probably why he’s not taking calls.”

_Hypocrite_

Pepper looked shocked when he had mentioned that someone had gotten in, as would anyone else. The compound had not only been made to move the Avengers, but it had been made to keep anything that wasn’t supposed to be there out. Tony had made sure that nothing physical, and with the help of Doctor Strange and even Loki, or magical could breach the walls. 

“I take it that’s why you aren’t sleeping either.”

Peter just nodded his head. That was easier than saying that everytime he closed his eyes, he saw his dead Aunt blaming him for her death. 

He swallowed.

Pepper looked at him with an indescribable expression before she took his hand, “Peter. Don’t let this break in distract you from taking some time for yourself.” Peter opened his mouth to question her, but before he could, she was walking back into the elevator, satisfied that she’d at least be able to tell the other’s that both Tony and Peter were doing fine, well fine enough for the situation. 

-

It wasn’t until ten minutes later than Tony finally stumbled out of the kitchen. He didn’t have the mug on him anymore and the small glance around he did only proved the fact that the only reason he had gone to the kitchen in the first place was to avoid talking to Pepper about why he wasn’t talking to anyone.

Peter, who had fallen back on the couch to further think of the meaning of the cards, glanced up at the sound of Tony walking in. His posture went rigid and he shot up from the seat when he heard Tony’s next words.

“I think I have a lead on who’s been breaking in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be longer, but I felt like it'd be forced if it was idk, so here's a short chapter even though you deserve better.
> 
> Anyways. This update has just been sitting here and I'm finally posting it, after a MONTH.   
> It's like when I say I'll update on a certain date it makes me subconsciously put it off and place it in the back of my mind.


End file.
